he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
