im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
