So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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