Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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