I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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