Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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