That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
