That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
