Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
