i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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