That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
