Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
