hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
