Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
