Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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