we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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