Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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