I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
