Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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