Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
