Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
