I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
