question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
