TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
