i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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