She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
