"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
