my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
