If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
