I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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