Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
