I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
