Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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