dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
