everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
