I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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