I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
