if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
