So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
