You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Drake has all the answers
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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