I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
