I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
