if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
