pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
