I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't deserve a penis
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
