He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
