Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
