The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
