Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
