o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
