she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
