Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
