I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
