Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
