Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
