Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
