i don't plan on having that self control this summer
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
