Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
