Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
