No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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